Girls can be as dumb as boys

Yes, you read that correctly. Sometimes us girls are pretty stupid. Usually we are at our worst when starting a new relationship. I could easily trace this back to baggage left by previous, equally dumb boys, but for tonight I will lay blame solely on us girls. (Kind of)

We want space. We want constant contact. We need reassurance. We say we don't constantly need to be told that you like us. We want to be perceived as strong, independent women who can do things on our own. We want you to open doors for us, walk on the side closest to the street, hold our hand, and give advice, etc etc etc. I mean I get why you boys might be a little confused. But TRUST me... (Ah there is the very important word now) most importantly we want to trust. We want to be able to trust that what you told us yesterday, is the same thing you believe today. We want to trust that the sweet things we mentioned two days ago, still has the same meaning two weeks from now. And when this does not happen we turn into self-doubting, ultra-overthinking, dumb girls.

It all comes down to trust. I use to be one of those people that when I met you, you had my trust. All of it. It was not earned. It was something that you could loose with me. And once it was lost, you would never really get it back. This is not the case so much. Being like that gets you hurt, and once you are hurt badly enough, you learn to change your ways with trust. Trust is the voice in the back of a girls head when she is in "dumb mode". Trust is the one to blame, shared equally with baggage.

Here is what we want. We really do want to trust you boys from the very beginning. We really really do. However, it is now impossible. By no fault of your own (current boys in our lives) and we do know that it is not your fault, yet.

We don't need to talk to you ever minute of everyday, but maybe at least 3 times a day or so could you let us know that you are thinking about us and you are alive? Without us initiating it first? A quick text or call is all we are asking for. Could you maybe reiterate something really important that you said the other day, just so we know we weren't  making things up in our head? Could you say goodnight to us when you go to sleep. Even if you think we might already be asleep. I know it sounds stupid, but sometimes (because of trust and baggage) we end up in dumb mode and these simple actions would smack us right out of that.

Not only would this little smack help us girls, its going to help you boys too. See by doing this, trusting you just might happen and then dumb girl (at least in this aspect) will not rear her not-so-pretty head. It is a win-win for both of us.  What do you think? You on board boys? I know a couple of girls whose love lives would be less dumb-girl like if you were....

Question of the Day:

Could I really pick up and move away from the City that I love and have lived in for almost 15 years?

This is the answer that I need to come up with, among others. Such as: Can I overcome my fear of moving to an unfamiliar place where I may only know one person? What if this place only has several hundred thousand people instead of millions? Will l get bored? Will I fit in? What will I do? Will I miss big city living?

Several of these are easy to answer: I don't do much now honestly, so how could I be more bored than already am?  Plus, its a new place... plenty to see at least at first. Big city living is expensive and rather cold and un-sunny. In this new place I could live in a 3 bedroom house for $500 LESS than I am paying for 740 square feet. BUT... its not a cool loft, in a converted printing building that is now a historical site because it was design by one the most famous and influential architects of his time, Burnham.
But it is sunny more days than not! Over 200 sunny days last year!! (Compared to less than 100 in this 'great city'.) We all know how much I need the sun! And I will have to drive everywhere. Say good by to the super low 24,000 miles I have on my 6 year old Mini Cooper. BUT I could afford a NEW mini! Hmmmmm.....

What about the roar of the L train overhead, the smelly people on it, the culture, the cold weather, only having two seasons and the awful city taxes? What about my friends and family and summers in Chicago? Summer in Chicago... you CAN NOT beat it!!  I mean I know I would be back every 4-6 weeks because giving up my hairdresser is non-negotiable. But still....

What about the "Will I fit in?" question and only knowing one person? I mean at first I might not have job (I don't even have one now) so how will I meet anyone? It's going to be like living in the Suburbs... is that what I want? Me, Sherman, a house and yard and L and no friends and no job at first?

At least it is a big  "College town", so there has got to be fun things to do sometimes.... football games for sure!  And it is home to several Corporate Headquarters so it has to offer some good things. I could easily go back to school too, and be able to do what I really want to do....

The biggest question, and hardest question is: Am I willing to do this for someone else? For someone who I do believe  I am meant to be with. For someone who promises to be good to me and true and honest and help me in whatever way to adjust to moving because he knows without a doubt that I would be making the biggest change of my life in recent years to be with him.

What to do, what to do what to do......

You just never know.....

Have you ever had one of those single experiences where you have that feeling in the pit of your stomach that your life could change completely because of this singular, almost random, event.

This happened to me last night. Was just suppose to a movie and drinks. Simple enough right? Well, the movie was fantastic (highly recommend seeing Mission Impossible in an IMAX theatre), the drinks are always good (Jameson and Ginger Ale), however it was the company I was in that may just change everything.

It seriously was the most amazing "first date" for lack of a better description. Like we have known each for ever. We never stopped talking and have so much in common. We joked around, we were serious... it was the most relaxed I have been in years.  We were talking about the future as if making long-term plans with someone you just met was completely normal.

It was like meeting L solidified all the decisions I have made in the last 2 months. And we both felt the same way. As in this singular event took place because it was meant to be, we had no control over it happening.

The one hitch..... L might take a job out of state. And the start date would most likely be Jan. 3rd. Why? Why? Why? Hence..... the thought that my life might change. Drastically.

The people in our lives:

It is amazing the people that come into your life these days, and the way technology allows you to connect with those you would have otherwise never met in a thousand years.

Anyone else out there wonder about why some of these people are in your life?

I believe there is a reason for everything, even when I can't for the life of me figure out what that reason might be.

I know that some people in my life are here for very important reasons: they saved my life. Literally. I know others are in my life to push me to be a better person. Some are here to remind me how to love again. Some are here to remind me to protect my heart. And some are here to remind that trust is earned. Not just handed over.

These are the people that I am grateful for. Those who make me stronger everyday, in every possible way. Those who reminded me how to laugh. How to love. How to live. Very powerful people indeed.

Now, only if I had someone who could help me find Mr. Right..... lol

Todays Culinary Delight:

Oh and totally forgot to mention in tonight's previous blog...

Today's culinary delight was an omelet made with sun-dried tomato and garlic chicken sausage, Mediterranean seasoned feta cheese and a little bit of fresh salsa for breakfast. YUMMY!!

Another Monday wouldnt be complete without one rant...

Well.... another Monday in the books, so to speak. For the last hour I have had the pleasure to read all about our great State's health insurance plan.

Considering I am currently unemployed by choice, (yes I am the woman who walked away from a job during the highest employment rate seen for awhile) I could have stayed and let it kill me... I didn't think that would be such a good idea and COBRA is not too bad, but the coverage totally sucks and I have "conditions" that let health insurance companies decline me right and left (love our health care here in America) I think I might actually be better off on the State program. That is if I can get approved by them. (Now that was one sweet rambling run on sentence if I've ever seen one!!)

If anyone has any questions, let me know. After deciphering and transcribing the information into a language normal people can understand, I now consider myself a partial expert. Once I have applied and gone through the entire process I will consider myself an expert. :)

Speaking of that awful job I gave my life to for two years only to be taken complete advantage of, pushed to the brink of a total breakdown due to stress, and left with a total depletion of energy and self confidence, I am grateful for a couple of things. Which are the following:

1) Teaching me that I am not what I "do" for a career. I am who I am because of my core values. I am nice, genuine, friendly, loving, honest, fun, outgoing, and an extremely dedicated person... etc etc etc.

2) Being...business "savvy" (trying to be very nice here) does not mean you are better than anyone else. It means you are a mean ass hole that does not care about people in general and you will do whatever needs to be done to get to where you want to be. Including but not limited to bullying, manipulating, lying, etc.

3) Knowing that I am not like the above mentioned people. And never will be.

4) Reminding me how to live again. I have read three books, found out who I am, taken photographs again, spent irreplaceable time with my joy, my number one love, my dog. I am cooking again, and love it. I have reconnected with people I lost touch with because I didn't had have the energy and time to continue AND I  am going out on DATES!!! WHAT?!!!??! For real!! I have a date tomorrow and one on Wednesday. Still have a day open this week..... ;)

5) And last but not least... sitting here jobless...and pretty broke... trying to get unemployment....I have my self-confidence back and happier than I have ever been.  So screw you ass holes who tried to break me. You lost.. I won. In spades!! :D

Well... this will be a good foray into what my life tends to like.... (since this is my first blog entry). I CAN cook!!! I know that for those of you who know me, would be shaking your head at me, because you "already knew this".  However since becoming single I have not done much cooking in two and half years. And there is no one here to lie that it tastes "great"....

Last week it was chicken in a decadent  mushroom sauce with asparagus, red onions and mushrooms (no recipe... done on the fly) and tonight it was the most amazing beef stew ever. And I am not someone who thinks that everything I do is amazing, actually I am my toughest critic and usually think I can do no right. So the fact that I am saying this about my own stew means it is REALLY good. I swear!!!!

So this week could be a very interesting week... I might have three dates... with three different guys. I have no idea how to date. I am one of those girls who is one guy at a time. But this seems kind of fun..... I think.....  This is not typical of what my life tends to be like, I just happened to be convinced by my mother, that I should join a dating website. Again... should be interesting and it is kind of fun.... Wish I knew what all you men are looking for... I need a MAN-ual. THAT is a whole other blog entry. I know we girls are a bit.... challenging..... but you all! Phew! Just as challenging. Hence the need for a MAN-ual.

Peace out for now....